PSA

A platypus is the only mammal to lay eggs.

Now, I don’t presume to know the emotional or metaphysical idealism’s of the platypus but I’d like to think that if they were capable of deeper critical thought, they would feel sort of alienated. Being only able to sympathize with fellow mammals who get to feel the pain, the anticipation, and tribulations that come with child bearing. Ultimately culminating in bringing that life into the world, where the next challenge presents itself. That’s not to say that they don’t love the child but we live in a world of relativity and the proof is in the contrast. Seeing that could be different, and at times wishing it was even for a moment that it was.

I know that was a really strange introduction for what is to come and who this is for, but I’d like to think that I can bring it full circle. This is about women, but not just women, mothers. All mothers, but more specifically mine. That being said, they all need to know they’re loved by someone even if I don’t know them.

Women are the only humans that when they become a parent or are with a child, they’re that. A “mother” or a “parent” which of course there aren’t a lot of occupations more noble than that of molding young minds but, problems always arise when they want to feel like themselves and want some assemblance of a life of all their own. To have ambitions or dreams, to want or even to feel things whenever they feel them. I’m sure a big part of the disdain some people feel towards mothers who pursue their own interests is the stigma that they are meant to be homemakers and men are breadwinners but the days of a June Beaver type just living to please but never for herself are long gone. It gives men way more freedom in their complexity as a human being because if they wake up one day and decide they want to quit their job they’re applauded for taking control of their life, or they could be seen as not tough but then again it’s “Manley” to show your emotions and not be afraid to have passions and interests other than what you’re currently doing. It really just sounds like living life, but because there are so many different archetypes for what a man should be or what makes a perfect man all of the previously stated actions fall under the category of being a man, and there’s really only so many different ways a woman can be considered beautiful or sexy or pure and that’s damaging enough all on its own. But a mother. She has to walk the finest of lines because to even want to think about doing something that doesn’t have the soul purpose of directly mothering her children she could be chastised. But they’re astounding because most find a way to do it anyway, and if the cards line up, they succeed they’re praised. God forbid it fail and then it’s: She “neglected her children” or that she’s “selfish” for trying to pursue a passion or even just an interest that she’s had her whole life before the world told her that her dreams weren’t in the cards anymore.

my mom Erica Webb,

I can’t even begin to imagine what she could have accomplished if she wasn’t creating a home for her four children. That’s not a slight on her because she still did and continues to do special things and now that her kids are for the most part adults, she can really start living for herself.
My mother was 22 years old when my sister was born. I’m 22 right now and I couldn’t even fathom having a child right now. It’s not the commitment or even the unknown. It would be that I had an idea of what my life was going to be like and then all the sudden it changes like a rug being pulled out from under you. Not bad because bringing a new life into the world shouldn’t be that way, but just different. I would be really scared, but for all kinds of reasons, because I don’t know how to raise a kid or because i was just in high school four and a half years ago or maybe because i might never get everything I’ve always dreamed of. I used to sit in my room upset and think about it all the time. Your first big dream. I would have just sat and thought about all the “ i can’t wait until this” or “I’m going to be this” you just wait and see and then out of nowhere your dreams change, because they can’t just be just about you anymore. Of course you get excited at the prospect of a new dream but there’s got to be something about your first one that haunts you. Ultimately to be completely honest i would be mad because I believe in myself to think that my dreams wouldn’t have come true if i had the chance because that’s another thing about Erica Webb. My mother’s confidence is her essence and it’s the purest form of greatness that I’ve ever come into contact with in my 22 years, but feeling like that can also be a burden.

Both of my parents were young but my mom was 2 years younger than my dad and she was working but she stopped to take care of my sister and I as we grew older and for a really long time I was mad at her a lot. I felt like she didn’t really want kids because i could see the things she was interested in and i could see how badly she wanted both those lives to be able to coexist but it’s virtually impossible with 4 kids that rely on you for everything but she would find ways, and I always figured it was a direct correlation to how she felt about being our mother but everything in her life was about me and my siblings. I guess I just failed to realize that there could be things in her life that weren’t. My father who also is a brilliant mind (that’s a story for another month) did different things and had more freedom to pursue different opportunities because my mom took care of us and i think that in itself can eat at you as well because you love what you’re doing but to be directly involved in everybody around you trying new things and figuring out life and you aren’t entirely afforded the opportunity because it’s just not what mothers necessarily do. Relativity can be a bitch sometimes but she took it on the chin just like so many others did before her, and so many others will continue to do.

Mother’s Day took on a new kind of connotation the year I turned 15 because she lost her mother. But I lost my grandmother and we both were wrapped up in the pain. I remember just seeing sadness in her eyes that I was perceptive enough to see but not mature enough to understand. I just hadn’t lived enough life yet, but I could see it. The kind of pain that hits you like a deep bruise it’s overwhelming and subtle all at the same time. Then some days it’s sharper than others and you have to hold it all together because you’re a mother and if you take a day for yourself it’s negligence towards your children when you’re just dealing with missing the person that you thought of seeing you achieve all those dreams you thought of as a little girl. Just thinking about what could have been and what she would have thought to see you get everything you ever wanted. But the chance is gone. That was a rough time for us. I was mad because I thought she had given up on us but people, especially children like to deny the significance of the past. Of everything someone gave up to give you all of their life that everything was in the pursuit of you having the kind of childhood you read about in story books, but it never happens the way you see it. I understand why she would get so upset because if i gave someone anybody all of me I’d feel useless if they decided it just wasn’t enough when it was all I had to give and I believe that she gave us all she had to give then found the strength who knows where to give us even more and all she ever needed was some of us and we failed her because when you love someone that’s just what you do.
My mother Erica Webb and I were at odds for a big chunk of these last 4 years and as I matured I thought more and more about why we did and i realized that she doesn’t know that much about me as an adult and i knew nothing about her as anything but a mother and that was the disconnect. I can understand how she would feel when she was trying to guide me through certain situations and because she raised me in such a way where I wasn’t going to believe just anything anybody told me, that that was the reason i should have listened to her she gave me the tools to become who i was even if she didn’t hold my hand all the way through. I think she was just really scared that something would happen to me and you care about someone so much and you’re so sure about what’s right for them when they take it with a grain a salt whatever the reasoning is it can just make you so upset caring with your mind body and soul will do that to you.
I want my mother Erica Webb to know that she raised a kid who knows things are always bigger than himself. That knows an act of kindness can change someone’s entire life, and one that can see the greatness in everybody before they even know it’s there just like you did with him. A kid who can watch a movie and be inspired to be anything he wants to be because you gave him that chance. Ultimately I want her to know she raised a man who understands. Who loves and who will always believe in his mother because she always believed in him and that’s the best gift you’ve given me because I’m going to give it to the world one day and that’s because of you.

Erica Webb is a woman, a teacher, a coach, a wife, and a friend. Erica Webb is also someone Who never let the stigma of how your life is supposed to dictate herself, and who refused to slip into the mundane existence of a routinely unpassionate life. She refused to feel alienated by anybody, not even her children who couldn’t see the essence of everything she was showing them by living for herself, because it was also for us. Erica Webb is passion, and she’s fire and she’s pain, and sometimes over the top, and she’s also a mother. Not a day goes by where I’m not made a better person by something she’s said or done it for all the reasons that she would be looked at in a different light by someone who just doesn’t understand is the reason that she is the great one.