Return To Sender

I’m not sure who I’m really writing this too. Well I guess thats not entirely true, I know who its to, but writing a letter that the recipient will never read kind of seems ambiguous in nature. But if you could read it there things I’d give anything for you to know.

Right now, You are scared, but it is what makes you brave, because being brave isnt not feeling fear, its being terrified in this moment and still living your life. You don’t know how to be loved, which is why when you love it overwhelms your senses, and when someone loves you, its at their own risk. I want you to know that You have the most beautiful mind but it is your greatest adversary, its one of the only things in your life that truly scares you. You hate when people use the phrase overthink because it is synonymous with the way you survive in your life. To always be 2 moves ahead subconsciously and another 3 wittingly. You stay up at night even though it sacrifices your sleep because it is the only time in your own home you feel as if you could be alone with your thoughts. The only time to be exactly who you are. You don’t cry when you should, but its because you feel that numerous aspects of your life warrant that degree of sadness. Sometimes it was it night during your time with yourself but if it came it would be months before tears came again. You cannot stand your brother, even though he is the one person you feel responsible for in your life because he’s an extension of you. You also feel bad that you cant stand him because he is also the purest thing that you have in this life. It’s okay because you’re doing the best you can. You only feel out matched by your younger sister who is your life line, even if you don’t know it yet. Be patient, She will save you. Your parents may give you the impression that you are the manifestation of all the things that they gave up, all their dreams and aspirations and you’re pissed that your childhood was not about you, but everything that you had disrupted in their life. You’re young so you can be, and you deserve to own your pain, but you don’t deserve to keep it with you, but thats okay too. When you decide to let the weight slide off, you will have a bestfriend in your father that you never would have seen coming, that one definitely seems like the most far fetched. But trust me, even though I know you aren’t completely able too trust anybody yet. You will make terrible decisions, because you still believe that calling it a mistake renders you exempt from the consequences, but I do admire that you in the face of all of them believed there was something more, something to be learned from every experience. Take your time because you will learn to not feel alone in this world and its the most beautiful feeling in the world to feel understood. You of all people deserve too even though everything in your brain will speak to the contrary. I love all the things that you are because you made me everything that I am. You would hate me if you could actually meet me, but I find a certain solace in knowing that. Because you have disdain for anybody who can be themselves in this world without seemingly trying when its all that you want in your life. Again, its okay because I know you get there. I would never want to be you again but I remember you fondly because you taught me lessons more important than anything I could have learned in a book or from a teacher. That I never minded failing, I hated it but I wasn’t afraid to and that is important to Me. You also taught me that there is genuine good in the world and because of you I can be that. And finally from you I learned to never regret anything in life, because if you love who you are in this very moment, then you cant wish away any pain or sadness because its everything thats built your love. You became the change that you wanted to see in the world so, here’s to you kid.

Sincerely, 

You.