Here I stand

It was simple enough. It only took 20 minutes. One brisk fall day in the middle of seemingly nowhere 2 guys one old and one young both paid to do an odd job. I didn’t hear the entire conversation because I hadn’t been put together enough to be able to understand but once I had I did the only thing I could do. I listened and I think I had fallen in love with the varying cadence of their conversation. I couldn’t decide whether they were strangers or family because they were bouncing ideas off each other like they had been cut from the same cloth. I didn’t realize how much I needed what they had given me even if it was only in those 20 minutes I had learned so much about these strangers. Some time passed until I met the next pair of memorable people, and this time I had heard a man and a woman. I think that they were in some kind of distress. I was still fairly new to the world so I didn’t follow as well as I could have but I could feel what was going on. A love story was ending, I think that someone had broken the trust, and from what I understood trust is the most important thing in loving someone. It conquers insecurities, stops the budding seeds of obscure thought about not being good enough or doing enough for the one you love. No matter where you go, who you meet trust will let your love be what it should be. It was the first emotion I really had learned about and I was fascinated because it produced so much intensity so much pain from a four letter word. The girl was the first to walk away, and I couldn’t really see how she reacted to the end of the conversation, but I could feel the boy was shaking uncontrollably. I didn’t know what this was, a reaction to the end of an era. The feeling was eerily dejected and contagious in nature. I didn’t have much time to process because the man soon left and two more came. An older woman and a younger one. They had an extremely potent loving relationship but it wasn’t the same as the man and woman before. It was as if the love the woman shared for the younger boy was out of protection and there wasn’t the sense of insecurity that I had felt before it was more fear, never wanting that boy to be without her. She worshipped these moments where she could be everything for this boy which lead to me believe that maybe it was a fleeting moment or moments. I assumed that the boy would grow older because i had seen other older boys but what would come of the older woman? Would she stop or would she grow simultaneously, the boy must not ever be able to catch her in age because she’s afraid that he won’t need her anymore. Deathly afraid and the boy has the benefit of not even realizing that his mother’s biggest fear stems from him. His inevitable maturation into someone who doesn’t need to be protected day and night by this older woman who is more in love with him then somebody could be with anybody. They left shortly after I had this realization, and it started to look different outside very very cold. I saw less and less people and when i did it was only in passing only hearing bits and pieces which depressed me immensely, I couldn’t speak back to anybody but it was beautiful to be able to witness what people were when they believed they were alone its not beautiful in the sense that I am amused by their pain or their suffering but it’s beautiful because nobody is afraid to be in pain when they’re alone you get to see people own their demons and sometimes even lose that battle but that is the beauty of life the beauty is in our attempt even if we can only battle it alone. This realization made it that much harder to be alone and when I started to fall apart mostly due to the cold It only made it that much harder, but one day the snow started to clear up, or at least I believe it’s called snow I had heard someone mutter it in passing. I wasn’t in the condition to support anybody my legs could barely hold me up, and right when I had given up hope, A older man and a younger man had come to see me and they began to talk to each other and that was all I would have needed, but then they started to build me back up. I wanted once again to be the solace for people to feel whatever they needed to feel whenever they needed to feel it, to live in the fabric of their own reality even if it was only for a moment. I learned that I had even been given a name too. I had no idea what it meant but I wore it with pride. “Park Bench ” it had an interesting ring to it, I would be there for anybody who needed me because I needed them just as much.