Till Death Do Us Part

I must’ve not slept the night before.  I think it was my way prolonging the inevitable, because I knew that if I had gone to sleep at a humane hour when I awoke, the day that I dreaded would come to fruition.  I was like a recurring character in her life but the connection between us was unbreakable, like the feature character you can’t hope but wait to come back again, but you end up waiting so long you can’t possibly believe they will live up to expectations, but right there before your eyes you’re swept right back into it.  She was my friend, my best friend maybe not to the naked eye but there was a reason for that.  She genuinely didn’t want strangers feeling like they knew her, didn’t want to add any substance to rumor-esk notions that almost everybody is undoubtedly subjected to.  If everybody can say they know your most intimate thoughts doesn’t it make them less significant to the people who heard it straight from the source?  Well even if you think the answer is just a little she didn’t want any part of it.  She was brave, and mysterious, calm but excitable in the best way, only when the situation truly warranted it.  A contagious laugh and irreparable ability to inspire you in any situation.  With all this she remained my friend. I never imagined her to be anything different, not even an inkling of romantic attraction until I realized that If I wasn’t the man in her life my heart would undoubtedly stop.  I truly believed that, it’s not a figure of speech I did what I loved for me, but it’s like the old cliche when I say “having all that you love doesn’t mean anything with no one to share it with”.  Well I found this to be true.  Painfully so, but here I was the night before staying awake not drinking not even watching tv but staring at the black tuxedo which was traditional to a T because she valued intimate gatherings but always had an appreciation for a time long before this one so I had It modified for a bow tie, not a clip on but one that you tied, accompanied with many hours of youtube tutorials that ultimately ended in me tying it one time perfectly and leaving it for the day of.  I don’t honestly remember when I fell asleep because if I had realized I was succumbing to a soloment state that forged the way to slumber I would have done jumping jacks all night to escape from its unavoidable grasps.  Normally I would jump at the opportunity to dress up because it’s not a necessity in my everyday life but I dreaded every moment of it on this day.  She was getting married and to be candid I wished the man she was to wed had been awful.  Maybe even a little scary just short tempered with no sense of humor, nothing dangerous but enough to make it easier to hate his entire being.  He wasn’t though.  He was great. I would have loved him to marry any of my sisters and to have him as a brother in law.  He was patient with kindness that was unmatched. He was good to her and for her, unlike me he was consistent, “safe” if you will.  But through all this I still carried a disdain for him that rivaled that of anybody you could imagine who had a valid reason to hate someone.  As reluctantly as possible I remember eventually making it to the lot where every car was parked because there was a shuttle taking us to the small vineyard where the ceremony was to be held.  I wanted to walk to avoid just the predicament that I had found myself in.  Sitting knee to knee with her mother and father on either side of me as if fate was playing a cruel joke on me.  I had to sit on the ride which felt as if it took hours when in reality was maybe 10 minutes and listen to her parents talk about how much they adored this man who was to take my person away from me, to add insult to injury they also proceeded to go on and on about how they always thought it was going to be her and me whose wedding they’d be on a shuttle too, but “fate” had different plans.  Which cut much deeper than they would ever had comprehended, and I strongly disagreed but I didn’t really have a leg to stand on.  I mean what was I going to do? Ruin her entire wedding? Months of planning? Friends and family from every where contorting their schedules and lives to make it for this once in a lifetime moment?  I couldn’t do it. I had missed my window.  Eventually I had made it from the brutal ride to my seat which was in the front row next to her mother, fitting considering I am the best friend but again proving that fate had a sense of humor putting me so 

close to my ultimate demise. But there I sat. In movies they always leave an opening for the person who can’t see the love of his or her life spending it with someone else. It’s always along the lines of “ if anybody has any reason why these two should not be wed speak now or forever hold their peace”. It should be amended to “forever Rest In Peace” because I was completely aware that it wasn’t said at “real life” weddings so I was for lack of a better phrase “SOL”. The ceremony commenced and I did everything in my power to not throw up from how I was feeling, especially when I saw her in her dress, it was like I had seen her for the first time with the beauty and emotion of 100 life times. I can’t really explain it any better. She had finally made it to the altar and her fiancé was in tears, which is understandable because seeing her on the happiest day of her life would have brought the Buckingham Palace guards to their knees. The priest had started to speak and I don’t know why, but I found myself standing up, well attempting to but I had felt a push in the small of my back when I had frozen mid way, undoubtedly that had come from her mother. I looked at her and she gave me this kind of nod that said everything and nothing all at the same time. “ I can’t let this happen” I began a little louder than I probably needed too, and I wanted to sit back down but I was in it now for better or for worse. “ I love you” I told her “ it’s always been you from the moment you sat down across from me in 7th grade nervous about making new friends, I could go on and on about how I feel about you’re what I envision for my future. I could also talk about how I know that he’s the safe choice and he makes you happy, but there’s a ceiling on your love with him and even though I scare you and annoy you and make you madder than anybody you’ve ever met, I challenge you and make you think I know that somewhere inside you feel it too.” I stopped to take a breath and also to access the situation because I needed to read her facial expression as I had done for so many years all I could make out was that her eyes were watering so I didn’t take that as a reason to stop. “ All I can really say is that it’s always been you, it’s four tiny words but they contain an entire lifetime of love and life and it’s the epitome of us, I-“ actually I think you get the gist of the declaration of love I think you get the gist of the declaration of love that took place that day. Looking at us you could probably imagine how it went, who got tackled and how much money was lost because of that stupid guy who broke the window after it had closed. I think after all these years she can laugh when we look back at it, so I do love telling the story especially when she’s sitting next to me, despite how it begins and how messy It was in the end, but I am forever grateful and you can ask her yourself how she feels but I think you have a good idea, about what she thinks of the guy who couldn’t hold his peace because she was being given away to the wrong man. It’s Like they say in all weddings real and in movies “ til death do us part” and we wouldn’t have it any other way.