My brother

When I was 13 years old my father lost his brother, and with that seemingly his mind. It was so strange to me because I had a brother and even though I wasn’t at height of my emotional maturity I could imagine what it would feel like to lose a brother. Or so I thought, In this disillusioned state where I found myself questioning why father was falling apart from the loss of his brother It also bred a lot of anger. At who I wasn’t entirely sure, my dad over compensated heavily when it came to the quality of relationships my siblings and I had, I think that naturally if you live on top of people for some time you will butt heads. Now that is multiplied exponentially when you make those people your siblings. My little brother is six years younger than me, and we shared a room, there was never really a point in our life’s where our ideals would have overlapped. I remember being in middle school with this 5-7 year old who can’t decide whether he wants the door open or closed or the light on or off. I couldn’t stand him, but I remember the day that it started to always change, I can’t exactly put my finger on what he had done but I was pissed and I found myself standing over him. I didn’t think that I was as towering as his body language had indicated, but it wasn’t even that, it was his face, and how he apologized to me. He was terrified of me and that honestly breaks my heart to even think about it now years later. It was difficult for me sure, being the oldest son being subjected to the brunt of whatever my father was feeling in the aftermath of his tragedy, but it wasn’t just me it was all 4 of us. Including my brother, who in retrospect had it the worst at that time, because he was getting it from two sources, I projected everything that I was subjected too directly on my brother. The day I saw him terrified of me in that way was the worst day of my life until that point. I didn’t immediately want to be his best friend because he still sucked. He was a young boy, but the love I felt for him, the responsibility to always protect was like nothing I had ever felt. It was and still is the purest relationship that I have in my life. I have a lot to thank my brother for. First I want to thank him for at least making it to 15 so he wasn’t completely unbearable. I want to also thank him because the level of trust that I feel we have is remarkable. There is no doubt in my mind that you always have my back no matter the consequences, and for better or worse and I appreciate that. I want to thank him because without him being who he was I would have never been able to understand what my father was going through, he gave me a reason to believe that if something ever happened to him I would stop breathing in that moment and cease to exist. If he didn’t show me that kind of love I would have never understood why the loss of it could turn someone’s whole life upside down. You are my life line, which blows my mind because I dislike you 70 percent of the time, but you never fail to make me laugh or tell a joke that completely turns my day around. You are the epitome of living your best life, and I wouldn’t have it any other way.