Forgiveness

If I’m being completely honest, I’m the last person to talk about letting go. I remember how potent and vicious my anger was for so long. I think that some feelings Segway into others a lot more efficiently, and fear and sadness transitions into rage and anger with the best of them. Its strange, I talk to a lot of people more than I’d like to admit and they all are mad at someone, pissed off at a parent, jilted by an ex lover and, the way they tell it they deserve to move mountains with the pain and hatred that manifested from those relationships. I relate all too well with those of us who blame someone for being guarded or scarred or whatever other synonym that correlates with being emotionally volatile. We never realize the severity of our spiral as a result from carrying all this pain until we have decided that we are going to let it all go. So in other words nobody really knows or can pinpoint when they started to spiral, because it just hasn’t stopped. It only put on a different face. A different series of moves or words to ultimately shatter any chance at solidifying a healthy relationship, not that we would know one if it walked up and spit in our faces. I see it all the time and it’s extremely hard to give anybody advice that would actually benefit because once you start, everybody wants to tell you why what they went through is so much different than anybody else in the world, which obviously isn’t true, but those words don’t always come across very friendly. I will never deny that everybody’s pain and experience is unique to them, but at the very core the trauma we are subjected to has all too much in common. It has shaped us from the very moment it occurred, showing itself in all different mediums. If I actually had an audience who couldn’t interrupt me as soon as I start to give my two cents about this particular topic, there are a few things that I would want to say:

When I was maybe 13 or 14 I heard a quote “ the hardest part of saying goodbye is having to do it again every single day”.  At the time I thought I knew what it meant, because contextually it had made sense with the episode, but as I got older I realized how pertinent it became in everyday life.  I tell everybody, or at least I attempt to tell everybody who comes to me with stories about being done wrong, to frankly just get over it.  Which sounds harsh, but when I listen to how they’ve had two good days, or maybe even weeks, but it all goes away because they have one day that’s hard.  

Only you have control of what you think and what you believe. Make a conscious effort to just let it go, to get over it, but to ultimately forgive. Forgiveness isnt for the other person, its for you. To let go all of that anger, because until you do you keep them in control and your life isn’t your own. It for lack of a better word blows when you’re exuding what you’re enduring onto everybody else because even if they say they understand, being damaged doesn’t give you a free pass and make the people of your life feel the same way you do about whoever wronged you. “Damaged” is an ugly word but I feel it’s accurate just in the sense that when something isn’t working the way it’s supposed to, we deem it broken or damaged and that only serves to help us know to either repair it or wash our hands with it. I don’t know that either way is the correct way, but recognizing what’s going on is the only way that you have a choice. If you’ve made it this far and didn’t get pissed off because I said to get over your anger or to forgive who wronged you I hope you take something away from this. It doesn’t happen overnight, and it’s easier said than done. But the reason I love that quote so much is because it applies to forgiveness, because even if it’s one good day or even ten something can always jumpstart the pain and send those feelings flying back, and everyday you have to forgive. Everyday you have to say goodbye to those things holding you back, because, yes it’s made you all that you are. Most likely strong and loving, willing to do anything for people, but that’s only because you understand the significance of what It feels like to be without those things. Use that, and be the person that you wish you’d had instead a product of your reality. It’s everything that you are, but if you hold on to it the way you believe you deserve to, you will never be who you’re supposed to become. And what would be worse? Admitting that you don’t need to be angry anymore? Or missing the most vibrant moments of your life because you can’t see past everything you’ve come from?