My parents

I think people in general are all to quick vilify, or chastise their parents, or whoever it was who raised them because they realize that many of their “ damage” is directly correlated to their experiences through childhood. Not reaching their true potential is never their fault because they feel jilted in the sense that they seem to become experts on child rearing the day that the bulk of it stops. I wish I could say I wasn’t guilty of this or that I never resented the people who quite literally kept me alive through the time in my life that I wasn’t self-sufficient. But I can’t and I think about how I live my life now and I’m happy with who I am, for better or for worse and that is ultimately related to my parents and the way they raised me. We have had our fair share of battles and disagreements, some of them more epic than others, and I think that I, like a lot of people have grown complacent and taken everything that they did give me for granted. With that being said I want to take some time to thank both of my parents for lessons and qualities that they instilled in me most likely without even knowing. First my mother Erica Webb, she is ridiculous and there are a plethora of words synonymous with how she conducts her everyday life, but within that she taught me so much. Confidence is key. In no way, shape or form would I have ever excelled at anything without her telling me to believe in myself. In the almost eccentric way that she believed in her own self, with no remorse, and no regrets she loves herself. There is no shame in believing that what you have to offer is unique because everybody throughout history has been constantly innovating and adapting. It’s hard to believe you could ever be the one who does something worthwhile. My mom doesn’t just think she knows and passed it on through me. My mom has been through so much heartache, within our family, or dreams that she had to put on hold to make us into what she believed were assets to society and if you didn’t have twenty-four hour access to her you would never believe it. For a long time I thought that was a weakness or maybe that it was a way of being inauthentic or lying, but it wasn’t. It was strength, as pure as anything in this world. From that I learned an appreciation for people not just people in general because I do have that, but for the people who are happy when you see them whether it is ten at night or seven in the morning. To be in good spirits in a world where people die and steal and kill every single day, and there is so much pain. So much reason to be bitter and even still bringing light into a room the minute they enter it. Not because they’re hiding their pain, but because that isn’t everything they are, but it has made them who they are and that is what they show. A person who can appreciate that it does get better and being happy is something everybody deserves. So, my father whom I’m named after is maybe the most serious person I had ever met in my life. Or he was for a very long time and one of the strongest. I’ve been reading between the lines more and more as the months go by without him being easily accessible and so much of the way I conduct myself as an adult is because of what he would do for me or things he would say. My dad used to say that “ If you can’t explain something you don’t understand it” and I hated that with a passion, kids don’t want to hear that. But he was right, and he fueled something in me to want to know everything about everything, that knowledge can get you so much farther than what we really give it credit for. I love that every hair stands up on my body when I see new documentaries being made, or someone explains the origin of something that we use everyday. To be hungry for knowledge is invaluable. My dad is a borderline genuis and the work that he did when I was growing up seemed extremely difficult and I would imagine it was awarding, but there was something missing. I don’t know if he was unhappy or just looking for the next thing that he wanted to pursue and when I was younger I didn’t like that at all. Being content is never a terrible thing but when it turns to complacency it becomes dangerous. Seeing my dad always looking around the next corner taught me that no matter where you are in life, it’s never time to settle no matter how it may look from the outside. He would talk about how when he sets a bar at a certain height the worst thing you can do is meet it because it just raises up and it seems cruel when you’re a child. To never be able to measure up, but it wasn’t that. He was grooming greatness and creating a warrior and without even realizing it, I imagine it wasn’t the road he had envisioned but through all of that he raised someone who was never going to do something because someone else thought it was the right thing no matter the optics. The last thing I want to say that both of them gave me was the self awareness to appreciate love. Of family, of the game or anything really, my parents did so many things that I hated and a lot of them seemed inhuman especially as a child, but they loved so unequivocally there was no other way for it to seem. My parents loved me so much that it scared them, especially my dad. He wanted the best for me in the most desperate way possible. There is no way that it could have been presented in a way that wasn’t extremely intense. So scared that I wouldn’t get where I should be in life because he saw greatness and they both made me come to believe it, even if I didn’t back then. There are plenty more examples but these ones really stick out to me when I creeps into my mind, and it can be jump started from anything, from clipping my toenails and remembering how my mom would always get the hangnails out of my big toes or my dad making sure I always had napkins in my car, the little things are the big things and I am thankful for them all.