Gen X

So you know how we watch movies and tv shows and see the group dynamics and how obviously they all have to fall for each other because ultimately the “will they? Won’t they” is like a drug that every adolescent human male or female, subconsciously lives for? The Type of emotional rollercoaster that comes with the chase. To see two people circle each other like prized fighters, when you know that there are underlying emotions in every word, and every action carries the weight of the world. I love that, I’ve always loved it because I love when the words people say mean everything. Like most things we see when it isn’t happening to us it’s exponentially entertaining, but god forbid you actually know what it feels like to be caught in that kind of turmoil. Where you can’t ever go back to being what you were because now, your best friend who would tell you everything from when she forgets her charger to when the guy she’s been seeing breaks it off, can’t anymore. Even though it’s entirely your fault, her caring about you is the sole reason she spares your emotions. Now when you talk to her you over analyze everything and for the person that knows you the best in the world it’s easy to tell. Now when she tells you she forgets her charger, is she maybe complaining about it because she doesn’t want to be unable to talk to whoever it is that is garnering her attention? When you shoot a text and its back and forth back and forth, boom, boom, boom. Then, nothing. There is no possible way that the thought of her being with someone else isn’t creeping into your mind to make a home for the time being. Especially recently with all the mediums in which we can communicate, which is brilliant in the sense that we can be as connected as ever. That still doesn’t change the fact that it drives me crazy when she will post on her snap chat story but not message me back, and I know I can’t be the only one who has felt this kind of anger/annoyance/I don’t know honestly. It can make you crazy. On the flip side though, you can be made equally as crazy seeing something where there is nothing. A touch that to anybody else maybe is just an act of endearment for a good friend. To me feels like the legitimate meaning of actions speaking louder than words, you telling me that now after all this time you’re ready to be loved by someone who wants to give you the world. When you text me first thing in the morning or call me at midnight to talk about a movie you just finished, or someone who pissed you off at work that day. To me it means that when everything is said and done and you have the time to just be in the moment. I’m the first person you want to tell anything and everything, and that very well might be true but not for the same reason that I think you do. I don’t want to drag this on, so all in all I’m pretty much living in torture and will until how I feel about you subsides if it ever does. It will always be worth it though, I mean whether it’s because I’m waiting for the day where all my fantasies become realities, or maybe it’s because being in your life and being on this roller coaster of emotions is worth the ride because it’s with you. I’ll always be there.