New Year’s Eve

I’ve always loved New Years, honestly it’s probably because of the movie that had so many A-list stars that they all began to lose their significance. I loved the movie because i’ve always loved anything that had to do with ensembles. Like the plethora of intertwining stories and what it was centered around wouldn’t matter so much to me if the 31st of December wasn’t one of two most important days of my life. My mother Erica Webb was born on New Years Eve and honestly I hated that for most of my life. If only because I couldn’t do what I thought was important that night. Like partying, and finding someone to have that kiss with. The one you see when you watch the ball drop in Times Square and you know that there’s people out there that are Slaves to the moment rather than people who actually know each other. I know that could seem weird when I’m talking about my mom as well, but until the last couple of years that wasn’t what it was about for me. I love New Year’s Eve because I always would hear about “ New Year’s resolutions” and how it was “ my year” and whether that was true or not it reminded me of all of the lessons my mom taught me. Not so much with what she said but with how she conducted her life. I always tell people she’s the most confident person I’ve ever met. She would wear a tiara on her birthday every year and I thought about it from the outside seeing a grown woman with her husband and four kids out to eat, definitely would have been interesting to say the least. But she did so every year without fail and I guess I never really understood it, because although nobody’s life is perfect all year we had some rough ones. You’d never know it when it came to the last day of the year. One of the reasons I love New Years so much, although it may be a cliche, is that it really is a new beginning for everybody, and the entire body of work amassed throughout the year, good or bad doesn’t make it any less true. I love New Year’s resolutions because I think that they embody my mother in the best way. She came into the world in the midst of a worldwide celebration, I don’t know how anybody could not feel the way she does on that day. She taught me that being confident or being happy isn’t a switch you flip, but a choice you make everyday and my mom always makes the choice to try. I remember the year she lost her mother, and how when the new year came she still looked at it the same way she always had. The beauty a lot of the time is in the attempt, knowing that it might not work out, but believing that it’s still worth it because most of the time it’s all we really have. Every year on the eve of a new one my mom showed me time and time again what it meant to believe in something, that things can get better, that everything that happened previously doesn’t define you. Most importantly, even if it doesn’t get better, it’s okay as long as you’re trying. Our relationship has a lot to unpack not unlike many people with their mothers, but I’ve said it before that every opportunity that I get I’m going to show both of my parents that they raised somebody who understands. I always saw it as a punishment to not be able to go with my friends having nights with people that they most likely won’t even talk to in five years. And while I agree that making those memories are significant I realize now, being so far away for the third year in a row that I’d give anything to be watching her bring in the new year like it was specifically coming just for her. My mother is everything that’s good in the world, and some stuff that isn’t but she tries, and she deserves to wear her crown and have all eyes on her because it is her day. And the whole world celebrates it with her, I wouldn’t have it any other way.